Let's try this again, shall we? It's been, oh, 4 or 5 years since I think I last attempted a journal. I think it's a healthy activity, especially considering that as time passes memories grow exceptionally fuzzy for me, and I end up with a distorted view of reality. And let's face it.... that has proven to be negative in the past.
I have been reading back through my high school/early college blogs lately, and I discovered something that surprised me. All this time, I was living under the impression that my teen years were an incredibly miserable time during my life. Come to find out, it seems the day-to-day "me" was actually quite optimistic, made the most of the mundane, and had some intriguing things to say. That amongst, of course, all of the immature/naive blabber and the inside jokes that I don't seem to recall the "inside" of. I found the part of me that has stood the trial of time, and I saw the brokenness that has grown into the strength I have today. I am no longer that girl, but at my core I share so much with her.
I love that I can look back and see who I was then, and even remember things a little more clearly. I have carried a lot of disgust and resentment of my past, that I am now finding I can just let go of. Part of becoming and adult is acknowledging your past, and obtaining the ability to appreciate it for the happiness and love that it brought rather than harboring so many negative feelings for it. It's acceptance. It's grace. Learn from the mistakes, learn from the love, and use that for the future.
I hope that I can look back on this in 8 or 9 years and learn more about myself... or at least laugh at myself. And I hope that this helps me to remember what I consider the best part of my life thus far. Not every post may be this reflective, but it will all be true to me.
love.nu
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